ABSENCE OF ORGASMIC CONTRACTIONS: I can enjoy the whole thing, but I do not come. I can go on and on, but I will not, I cannot come.

It gets so bad that I am actually screaming inside at myself to come, come, come. My partner says it. Come, come, come. I can’t, can’t, can’t.

Guess again which report belongs to which gender. The first is a wife, the second a husband. The similarity of sexual response and problems seems clear. Both genders reported problems with orgasmic contractions. One hundred fifty-five husbands and 344 wives reported such problems. When this problem occurred, it took with it in many cases the possibility of psychasm, for these people were taught that orgasm was the ultimate goal, the only goal of the sexual encounter. Without pelvic contractions, there could be no “fulfillment.” This is not true, and, in fact, these spouses learned to enjoy psychasm independent of contractions. When this happened, and the defeated, angry orientation at the center of this problem was removed, orgasmic contractions returned.

*175\97\8*

The super marriage can expand and contract, allow closeness without crowding and distance without diffuseness. A super

marriage is a super system that flows between neguentropy and entropy in an intimate rhythm of life and growth for both partners, a universal dance of intimacy, a Tao of sexuality.

The husband in our example reported, “I really cannot imagine life without her. We just are like one in a strange sort of way. A dance with no song.”

The wife added, “Well, he is not a part of me, I mean a part of me like my, I mean our, children are. I have become a part of him, an extension, sucked into his life. It’s the way a black hole must be, a spiral, with me going down further and further into him.”

This same compensated pattern was reported in the bedroom. “The more things change, the more they stay the same,” said the husband. “We just repeat the same things in the same way. We could practically just call out the numbers or use hand signals. I lie on my right side, stimulate her, then we do it. That only changed once when I broke my right arm in a softball game. I was on her left side then, and it was like making it with a different woman.”

“It’s like a merry-go-round without the merry,” added the wife. “He sort of works on me. He wants me to suck him after I come because that’s the only time I can force myself to do it. Then he goes in, does it, the end.”

Each time this couple makes love, the neguentropy, the merging, becomes stronger. They do not become more intimate, they become more trapped, stuck with each other and suffering together. They crash rather then merge. They have a type of marital implosion.

*35\97\8*