Grieving also occurs in children. Initially the older child or adolescent will think that life has ended, that he can no longer do the same things other children are doing. If you impose unwarranted restrictions, this may be self-fulfilling. This is one of the reasons why it is so important that your child be allowed to participate to the fullest extent possible. Even when restrictions are needed because of the frequency or severity of the seizures, it is important that you find activities in which your child can participate and achieve safely. These are very important ingredients in helping your child develop self-esteem.Here are a few examples of how children can be helped through these stages:Melissa is still grieving. This bright, articulate, theatrical teenager has staring spells for almost nine months. Although she had been to many doctors, we were the ones who finally told her that she had epilepsy. Even though she has now begun to take her medicine reliably and has had no seizures in two months, she feels sad. Seizures no longer interfere with any of her multiple activities. There are no side effects from medication. But she feels different, and she is still angry. We have helped her move toward acceptance by offering her an opportunity to meet with other young people who have seizures, youngsters who have already been through some of these stages. We can already see a difference—a willingness to channel these feelings in a productive way. We see a young lady who is beginning to believe that she is not handicapped by her seizures.Sean still feels sad. Although only nine, he coped with his seizures by talking about them incessantly to all his classmates and friends. Unfortunately this was not productive and resulted in negative reaction. Most children didn’t care and so they ignored him, or they were angry at him for bothering them. Understanding that there are lots of people who have seizures had a profound impact on him. We simply told him that we could fill the Orioles’ baseball stadium with people from Maryland who have epilepsy. And finally, meeting another child with epilepsy who understood his feelings has made it possible for him to begin to put his seizures into perspective. He no longer feels alone.Both of these children were grieving and had not accepted their epilepsy. Melissa had internalized the problem and withdrawn, while Sean had externalized his difficulties and was making himself a nuisance. Neither response was productive.*179\208\8*
